Compassion

Today I’m thinking about how I will teach my daughter about being charitable, compassionate and loving to all living things, including humans.

I was driving with my girl to her Nonni’s house and when we came to the stop before the freeway on ramp, there was a man there with a sign. As usual. It’s always different people, it seems. Usually, I keep my eyes straight ahead, grateful if I have sunglasses on and hope it isn’t someone who will come and actually knock on the window. I don’t know why I’m so fearful about this.

Possible factor within myself could be that I am generally anxious about certain kinds of situations and am super hyper sensitive to any kind of contact in the world. Also, I’m not good with energies that are not calm or that are “off” in some way and the fact is that often homeless people are also schizophrenic or otherwise “not all there”. I want to be compassionate to those people because I can’t imagine any worse torture than being at odds with my own mind. But, I also have issues with the “split”.  I work on this.

Possible factor outside of me could be that the person may have a feeling state that is not particularly kind. Just because people are homeless, doesn’t necessarily make them nice. Sometimes they are genuinely aggressive, and can be powerful in discharging that energy.

And it’s not always possible to know from looking at someone.

I do really appreciate a good sign. Doesn’t have to be fancy, but a happy face rocks. There was one guy I used to see when I was younger who stood on the street and was selling his poetry. Honestly, he was so cool. He was clearly homeless, but he wanted to give something for what he was getting.
I never did stop. I was really shy back then and truthfully, I think I was intimidated by how much more fearless he was as an artist than me. I will always regret that I don’t have one of those poems in my possession.

All that is leading up to today, when I stopped at that light and saw the man and read his sign. It said, “please help, lost my job.” And then he folded it open and it said, “Have a nice day” and had a smiley face. I was the second car in and he would have walked right by. I was clear. But, I knew I had some dollar bills in my console and I wanted to help him. I have often been torn the whole time I sat there, but this time I took action and opened my window. He came over, said thank you very sincerely and waved to my child in her car seat. She even smiled and waved back. That was a surprise since she’s usually so shy around new people.

Here’s the weird thing. I felt really good. Not necessarily about being a good person… I just literally felt better, calmer. My “anxiety disorder” was quieted. Why? I have no idea. I know that instead of closing in on myself and contracting around my heart, I expanded and allowed myself to do what I really wanted to do. And as we got onto the freeway, I was anxiety free.

I believe that that man had very lovely energy and he meant to share a bit of that with us. I’m so glad I gave him the chance.

And my daughter saw something that felt normal and good. I was surprised she didn’t ask about it. I know that she will sometime and I will have to figure out how to explain to her about people who have so much less than we do.

I hope to follow in my sister Cassy’s footsteps. As in so many parenting things, she is one of my gurus. When her two daughters were little, they started having a periodic cleaning out of their rooms and deciding what things would go to children in need. And then as they got older, my sister would find ways to help out in the community. One time she called me because she was looking to fill Easter baskets for the children in the homeless shelter. I asked her what organization she was working with and she said she and the girls just called up the local shelter and asked how many children would be there for the holiday. Brilliant. She actually blew my mind. Why had I never thought it was that easy? It might have never occurred to me to just ask, “what do you need”. And that was just one of the many, many things they did as a family.

I can’t wait to teach my daughter just how simple it is. I was going to say how easy it is, but it’s not necessarily easy by a long shot.

As my nieces grew, they automatically took on their own projects for their community. And they were also always kind and loving to others in general, and to those in need in particular.

My niece, Rita, died 4 years ago in a car accident. She was only 16, but she had already brought so much love into this world. I believe that she was born a gentle soul, but I also believe that the lessons she got from her parents about sharing and giving allowed her to blossom even more.

Rita’s family; my sister, brother-in-law and Sara, her sister, started a non-profit called Rita’s Rainbows. I wasn’t writing this post to advertise that, but it’s just where we end up. And I am so proud of all the amazing things they’ve done to help children in need.

And this whole thought process started for me the other day while waiting to get on the freeway.

My teacher was a man with a sign.